So I’m single and while I love it most days most of my friends think I should get out there and meet a guy. You know a nice guy as opposed to some of the questionable dates I’ve had in the past. Years ago I worked with an author who married a pretty infamous prisoner and I remember thinking “Well, at least I’m not that bad.” You know, marrying prisoners and all. But I’m not sure that’s a right bar to compare myself to. I’ve never dated felons or criminals of any kind. The only thing many of them were guilty of was being careless and, often, unkind.

Still, the heart wants what the heart wants but my fervent wish is that someday the heart will want someone who is awesome and perfect and, for lack of a better description: Nick-like. Nick of course, being one of the main characters in my books and the often lead character in the forthcoming book three. Anyway, I digress.

So a few weeks ago a friend of mine said “Christina, you need to get out more, start dating again, put up a dating profile.” Seriously. I’d rather spend the afternoon trying to have an intelligent conversation with a Kardashian than spend my time on But then the good-karma dating gods smiled on me and last week I met someone, sort of random you know how things happen. We grabbed a coffee, sort of impromptu, then he invited me to dinner this week. Great!

I reported back to my friends: I have a date, please alert the media. So the day of the date comes and goes and he’s MIA.

Wait. Really? He didn’t confirm, didn’t email – nothing.

Now, mind you this isn’t the first time this has happened. About 5 months ago I was at a local Starbucks where I met a Nick (yes, his real name, not my imaginary character) and I thought “My book comes to life!” Because clearly as an author I have a very skewed sense of reality. Anyway so we had this great conversation, turns out he lives not far from me and was eager to see me again.

Then silence. Nada. MIA.

Two months ago I met someone else, same thing: riveting, hanging on my every word (don’t we just love that?) then he sent me a text about getting together and NADA.

Gone. MIA.

Now if I had any self-esteem issues (and please, who doesn’t?) I would think it was me. I mean right? Maybe I was being off-putting somehow or it was something I said. Did they Google me and find something odd that I’m not aware of? Point being, it could be anything but, as a friend said, it likely has nothing to do with me.

Still, the MIA stuff is odd. There is no hard and fast answer for why men do this, but I was telling another friend of mine this morning that I think I know what’s happening. I think that all of the men who want to date me are being kept prisoner on some deserted island by the one person who truly wants to date me: Jon Hamm. And while he’s scraping together his courage to profess his undying and unwavering love to me, he’s keeping every possible candidate away. Yes, yes I get that he’s dating someone but I’m pretty sure it’s just a rouse to get my attention.

You may shake your head and say “Wow, that Christina is a nut” but seriously, isn’t that a great alternative to men going MIA for no good reason? It sure is better than sitting here wondering if I’m not worth calling back. Yes, yes I know: it’s not me it’s them. But let’s face it, it feels like me.

So ladies, the next time a guy goes MIA think of it this way: he’s probably on some island, being held captive by the one man who truly loves you and will soon come to spirit you away. Great right? But stay away from Jon, he’s already spoke for.

(Warning: if you click this image it will enlarge and could cause fainting)

MacDermott Ellis